I Can’t Tell — Ch. 5

4

September 8, 2008

CH. 5

“ROBIN!”
“W-what?” she turned around to face me. Her eyes widened when she saw it was me, as if in fear. She was about to run away, when I grabbed her by the shoulders.
“You ditched me again! What the hell happened?!”
“I-I-I’m sorry! I have reasons! I’m serious! I–OW!” I’d slapped her.
“Robin, you keep on repetitively ditching me! What the hell is wrong with you?!”
“I told you! I have reasons!”
“Then why do you keep on making plans if you know you can’t keep to them?”
Robin couldn’t answer that. She looked down guiltily.
“Why?”
Robin still didn’t say a word.
“Robin!”
“It’s because I still want to spend time with you! I want so badly to actually spend time with you but I keep forgetting that I can’t! Ada, I never will be able to! Never after last week! I can’t! I want to, but my reasons won’t let me! I’m sorry I’m such an idiot for forgetting I can’t do anything! I’m an idiot through and through! I can’t meet you…ever.” Robin was practically crying. It pained me not to believe her. I couldn’t believe her though. I couldn’t.
“Maybe Ben was right about you.” I started to turn around. “Maybe you’re just not the kind of person I should hang out with. We shouldn’t make plans ever again. I’m sorry. I think Ben was right about you. You’re no good.”
“Ada!”
“What?”
“Ada…” she trailed off. She’d put her hands on my shoulders and her head was hanging down. It was so difficult not to feel sympathy for the depressing figure in front of me. I think she was crying for real this time. “I’m sorry…Ada…I’m really…sorry…for bailing on you…so often. It really…wasn’t a good thing…for me…to do to you. I shouldn’t have…ever made plans for you and I to meet…ever. Ada…Ada…Ada, I’m so sorry…”
“What’s wrong with you?”
“My life.” she stopped sounding like she was crying. She sounded more like she was goth.
“No, seriously, what’s wrong with you?”
“My life. I’m serious.”
“What do you mean, your life?”
“It’s messed up. I can’t tell you.”
“There’s too much of this ‘I can’t tell’ stuff. It’s not making things any better.”
“It’s my life. I can’t tell you about my life.”
“Yeah you can.”
“No, I seriously can’t. I’m unable to.”
“I doubt it.”
“No, I swear. I can’t tell you.”
“Why?”
“Circumstances you wouldn’t ever be able to comprehend.”
“I’ve had my deal of things you’d never be able to understand either. I can take it.”
“No, you really can’t.”
“Yes, I can.”
“Stop fighting it. You can’t know.”
“I can.”
“I know you can fight it. Yes, what’s the point of telling me that?”
“That’s not what I meant!” I yelled. “I mean that I can know. And I should.”
“No. No. No. No. NO. I’m sorry, but no. I can’t tell you.”
“Ugh. Whatever. I’m just like never gonna talk to you again. Stop by whenever you feel like pissing me off or something. You know the way. I don’t care. Just never talk to me again.”
“No! Ada! You’re my friend–”
“Not anymore. I don’t want to be near you anymore. See ya–”
“NO! I can’t let you go. I love you, Ada. You’re my best friend. I don’t really have anyone else besides you and my family. You know that. I…”
“No. Go meet other people. You’ve got to have someone else besides me. Really.”
“No, you see, I don’t. You’re my only true friend. I don’t want anyone but you.”
“Why me?”
“You’re a good person, you’re kind to people, you have emotions and understand others’, you make me happy, you make a great friend, and I love you.”
“…Love?”
“Yeah. You’re my best friend.”
“Yeah…uh, well, if you want to be near me, then I want you to come tonight, regardless of your ‘reasons’ and everything. Okay? I want you to come.”
“I…I don’t know if you’d want that.”
“I do.”
“You really don’t want to–”
“I love you as my friend. You are my friend. I want to accept you for any flaws you have.”
“I…You really do–”
“I do. I want to.”
“Oh…O-Okay…I…Okay, I guess I’ll come.” Robin looked really uncomfortable.

That afternoon I finished my homework way early and went an hour early to the park. There was a boy sitting on the bench. He looked about nine years old. There were a few birds surrounding him. The second I came into sight of the birds, they all looked straight at me and flew away. The boy looked at me. He looked calm, but there was a bit of anger in his eyes, half hidden by brown hair. He spoke to me.
“Why’d you do that?”
“I…I didn’t mean to scare them away.”
“Birds don’t just fly away when people are twelve feet away. It usually takes them until you’re right next to them. What’s wrong with you?” he narrowed his eyes at me. “Why?!”
“I–I didn’t mean to! It’s really not my fault. I’m not the one that made it happen. It’s seriously not my fault. I’m not blaming anyone. I didn’t do anything, I promise.”
“Yeah, you say that, but is it really not your fault?”
“What do you mean?”
“Is it really not your fault that there’s something about you that scares all of them?”
“Y-Yes.”
“It must be, like, the consequence of something, wouldn’t it?”
“Y-Yes. It is.”
“Yeah. So why’d you come near if you knew it’s happen? You made them fly away.”
“I…I just want to get near birds. I like the birds. They make me happy. I’m sorry.”
“Whatever. I’m leaving.” he stood up and walked away before I could say anything more.
I sat down. I put my head in my hands. I closed my eyes.
I heard footsteps. I don’t know how long I was just sitting there waiting. Probably about forty-five minutes. I don’t know.
“Hey. I’m here.”
I looked up. I serge of hope flew into me. It got released the second I saw them. It was someone about as tall as Robin would be, covered in a black cloak and a hood covering their face. I wondered if it really was Robin.
“We’re not sitting here if you want to see me.”
“What do you mean?”
“You don’t want to see me out here. It’ll draw too much attention.”
“Then where should we go…?”
“I dunno. It’s like five. We could…there’s an ally in town…”
“No. I’m not going into a dark ally.”
“Hm. We could…Are you sure you want to see?”
“Yes! I’ve made that clear.”
“Fine. Uh…I really don’t want to. But, if that’s what you want…behind that hill, or under that bridge. I don’t mind shallow water.”
“Shallow as in a puddle? Under that bridge is not a puddle.”
“Yeah, well, that’s not what I meant. I meant knee-high.”
“Uh…” I hesitated. I was wearing shorts anyway. “Sure. Let’s do that.”
Well, weirdly enough, also by shallow water, knee high, and bridge, she meant, under a bridge that stretched between two hills, water that was almost as high as my knees, but not, and kind of dark. It’s the thought that counts I guess.
“Okay…I guess we have enough privacy. Uhh…sit down, or like lean against the hill, or something.” she faced away from me. Robin began to remove the cloak. I watched.
The cloak slipped down, off of her body as smoothly as water, and she held it in her left hand. I was horror-stricken by the sight. She didn’t have a shirt on, which startled me. Her back was covered in white-ish feathers. She had jean shorts on. Reddish vain-like things ran up and down her legs. It pained me to look. My eyes felt like someone was stabbing them. I nearly shrieked, but held back the impulse. Robin’s hair didn’t look like it normally would. It was pure white. Light emanated from it, but at the same time, didn’t reach far enough to meet my face. Robin looked to the side. I nearly shrieked again. I covered my mouth. There was a hooked beak attached to her face where her nose and mouth would be.
“W…why? Why are you like this?” my voice was really shaky.
“I can’t tell. I can’t tell you.” her voice sounded different. It was lower.
“If you knew this happens to you then why’d you keep on making plans?”
“I…It’s cause I love you.”
“What…?”
Robin turned around completely.
“I love you, Ada. That’s why.”
“I…I…” I was confused and disgusted. But then when I looked over the shirtless Robin in front of me, I figured it out. I knew everything. I was scared and confused and angry all at the same time. I didn’t know what to feel. Robin had a flat chest. Robin had abs. That could only mean on thing at all. “R…Robin…y-you’re…”
“I’m a dude.”
“A…you’re…”
“I’m a dude, a guy, a boy, whatever you call them. I’m a dude! Not a dude as in like just a general person, but I’m a dude dude. A guy! A boy! I’m a dude!”

Categories: Modern Fiction.

Tags: , , ,

I Can’t Tell — Ch. 4

3

September 7, 2008
CH. 4

It’s been two days since Robin ditched me. It’s Saturday. I’ve haven’t talked to her since. I ignored her completely. I didn’t even look at her during History or sit with her at lunch. I was truthfully pissed off.
I was in the park again. Ever since that day I’d been in the park every afternoon feeding the birds. I just finished the bread bag. I was sitting on the bench alone, like I always did when I was there. I heard a twig snap and a few leaves crunch. Someone was walking toward me. I didn’t care. I was still pissed off at anyone that dared to disturb me at a time like this, or to leave me alone, like the birds, who never came. Sometimes other animals like squirrels would come around and eat my bread. Sometimes I’d just chuck the bread at the water in hopes a duck would come. There was a pond not far from where I was sitting.
“A-Ada.” the voice was familiar. I turned around.
It was Robin. I narrowed my eyes at her. She stared blankly back.
“A-Ada, I’m–”
“No, you’re not sorry. You friggin’ ditched me on Thursday! I believed you’d come! And if you wanted to say something you should’ve told me a long time ago! You ditched me! You don’t know what you did! I don’t wanna be around girls like you who lead other girls on and then leave them the mess their lives up!”
“Did you just–”
“Yeah, I mean it! You ditched me! You suck!” I stormed away. She ran after me.
“Ada! Wait!”
“No!” I yelled over my shoulder. I picked up the pace, running at full speed. She caught up to me fast. I was always a fast runner, but Robin was insane. She grabbed my shoulders, dug her heels into the dirt, and leaned back. I fell backwards onto her.
“AH!” Robin shrieked. I froze. We landed harshly on the dirt and twigs.
“Oh my god I’m so sorry!”
“Shut the hell up! Saying sorry won’t get us up from the ground, now will it?!” I suppose everyone was smarter than me. Even if I was in good classes, I’m guessing all my friends were even smarter. “Get up!” Robin pushed me. I stumbled up to my feet. I looked down at her. She was dirty and it looked like she scratched her elbows and hands. I didn’t know what to do or what to say. I wanted to turn around and run so far away I could forget I ever did anything wrong. I wanted to stay and help my friend. I wanted to push her down again when she got up. I wanted to forgive her. I shut my eyes so hard my eyelids hurt. I tried to think.
What had she really done to me? She’d ditched me for something else ten times as fun. But, I still didn’t know why she didn’t come. Why? Why? I really wanted to know. I wanted to know, but I also wanted to shut myself off from her and completely bomb our friendship.
I thrust my eyes open. “Why did you bail out on me.”
Robin just sat on the ground doing nothing. She stared downward at the grass.
“Robin,”
“No.”
“No what?”
“No I can’t tell you. I’m sorry, but I feel uncomfortable telling you why I did not come.”
“Robin,”
“No!”
“Robin, tell me why.”
“I don’t feel comfortable. Don’t push me. Seriously. If I don’t wanna tell you I won’t. Why’re you being so impatient?”
“I’m not being impatient. I’m being annoyed.”
“Shut up. I don’t want to tell you.”
“Fine. Don’t say anything then. I don’t care.” I lied. “I’m angry at you.”
“Please Ada, don’t be mad at me. I’m sorry, but I just don’t want to tell you. I don’t mean to like make things hard on you or to make you angry or anything, but I just don’t feel able to.”
I turned around. I didn’t want to look at her. I should’ve forgiven her. I didn’t see why. Why should I hold a grudge over something so simple. I looked into my past. At camp when I was thirteen I made plans with a friend to meet at the lake to catch up with each other on what we’d been doing. We usually didn’t go to the same activities. I went on time. He never came. First thing the next morning at breakfast he told me he was sorry and that it was because he was working nonstop on a project that he couldn’t step away from and he promised we’d meet at the lake that afternoon again. He made it that time. Maybe I should give Robin that chance.
I heard the crack of a twig. I disregarded it, still thinking. I heard someone walking through the grass, away from me. I didn’t listen. I turned around, ready to face her.
I paused. No one was there. I looked into the distance. Over yonder, around thirty yards away, I saw a person, probably about my height, wearing a white shirt, which you could hardly tell was white because it was covered with dirt on the back, wearing khaki pants, they had blond hair about down to their shoulders. Robin left me.
Suddenly I fell down onto my knees. It hurt but I didn’t care. I was guilty. I shrunk down farther so I was sitting on my feet, with my hands on my knees. I thought maybe I could run after her. No, Robin was an amazingly fast runner. She’d outrun me in five seconds. She ran like lightning. I could never stop her, even if she was walking. I stood up and ran anyway. I made my way up undetected somehow and I grabbed her. She stopped in her tracks. Obviously she’s too good for falling. I pulled myself next to her. I wrapped my arms around her and felt like I’d cry.
“I’m sorry! I’m really sorry! You wouldn’t think I am, but truthfully and sincerely, I am sorry. If you’ll forgive me for giving you a hard time, I’ll forgive you for not coming.”
Robin didn’t look at me. She looked the opposite way.
“Deal.” she decided finally. I let out my breath and released her from my arms.
“Okay, that’s good. So then, do you wanna meet here tomorrow for the birds?”
“I’ll try.”
“Okay. I’m gonna go home. See ya.” I started to walk away.
“Wait.”
“What?” I turned around.
“Uh, well…Here.” Robin looked to the side as if making eye contact with someone. A brown bird with a red stomach flew over and perched on Robin’s shoulder. “This is Jr. He’s one of my favorite birds. I named him Jr. cause he’s a robin too.”
“…’Too’?”
“Yeah. He’s a robin too. I’m Robin, he’s Robin. He’s Jr.”
“Oh, I see. Uh, why?”
“Cause he’s a robin.”
“No. Why’d you show him to me?”
“I dunno. I wanted you to get to see a bird. You seemed like you wanted to see a bird.”
“Thanks. Uh, I really have to go now.”
“No, I want you to stay. I didn’t just come to tell you I wanted to show you a bird.”
“But I have to like finish my homework and I have to–”
“No you don’t. You can do that on Sunday, before you come here.”
“Uh, I really don’t think I can.”
“Ada, come on.”
“I can’t!”
Robin looked at me. She hesitated. She turned around then turned back.
“Fine. See ya.”
“Okay bye.”
“Sure.”

“Ada what are you saying?”
“I’m saying I don’t have time to go with you.”
“Ada! What else are you gonna do tonight?!”
“I’m meeting a friend.”
“Who?”
“I’m meeting with Robin.”
“Where?”
“The park.”
“To do what, sit around and do nothing?”
“To sit and feed the birds?”
“Why would you wanna do that?”
“I like to feed the birds.”
“The birds never come to you anyway.”
“Hey!”
“Robin’s not gonna come tonight. A robin is a bird, isn’t it? She’s not gonna come.”
“Robin isn’t a bird! She’s a human! It’s just her name! Stop it!”
“Oy, don’t bother going, Ada. For your own sake, don’t go. Robin’s not gonna be there.”
“You don’t know that!”
“I can expect. Remember she didn’t go all those other times.”
“Shut up! I’m meeting Robin tonight in the park!”
“So you expect all the birds to come?”
“Yes. Robin’s gonna be there.”
“How do you know?”
“She said she would.”
“What about the other times?”
“She has her reasons!”
“Ada, stop talking nonsense. Robin’s gonna ditch you again and the birds are not gonna come. The birds, not one, not even a Robin, will come.”
“I can’t believe you! Do you have something against her?!”
“Yes I do!”
“Well I don’t wanna hear it! I like Robin for who she is! So unless you have a good reason to dislike my friend, you’d better shut up! Why do hate all of my friends? You hated Anna and Michelle and Daniella and all those other friends of mine and now you hate Robin too?! Do you just have something against my judgment of people or something?!”
“Robin’s a liar! That’s why! That’s why I–”
I hung up the phone. I decided I’d never talk to Ben again.
That night when I went to the park, once again, no birds came. I had been wrong.

Categories: Modern Fiction.

Tags: , , ,

I Can’t Tell — Ch. 3

0

August 31, 2008
Ch. 3
 
 
    She was there the second before! Had I been seeing things?! I sighed. I looked down and somberly walked to my next class.
    My next class, History, was in the “D” Building. I’d never been into that building of the school before. I was afraid. I could get lost…And I did.
    I wasn’t sure where I was going. All the hallways looked exactly alike. All the doors had shades on them. I sulked up to a wall and lightly pushed my head to it in defeat. I closed my eyes. I nearly cried. I heard a door open. I heard footsteps. They turned the corner and came my way. They stopped about halfway down the hallway, maybe around ten feet away from me.
    ”You.” they spoke. They probably meant me. “You. Yo, you with your head to the wall.” They walked closer. They sounded familiar. They were about three feet away from me. Then then stood right next to me with their back to the wall and their head facing me. I opened my eyes and turned my head.
    ”You.” I immitated them.
    ”Oh, it’s you! What’s up you? I never caught your name, sorry.” It was Robin. I still didn’t smile or anything. She wasn’t lost and I was. She was newer to the school than I was!
    ”It’s Ada. I…I’m lost.”
    ”What? You’ve been here longer than I have and you got lost? I haven’t gotten lost all day.”
    ”That doesn’t make me feel any better.”
    ”I’m sorry. I know. Well, I could probably find your class. Where’re you going?”
    ”Why?”
    ”I’m gonna help you find your class, duh! Come on, Ada. Where’re you going?”
    ”History.”
    ”History where?”
    ”Mrs. Teller’s room.”
    ”Oh, I know where that is! You’re in my class!”
    I looked at her like she was joking. She had to be joking. My class was just around the corner? No way.
    ”How did you miss Mrs. Teller’s room? It’s just around the corner. Come on.” She grabbed my hand and pulled me away from the wall. She started walking but then stopped again.
    ”What?”
    ”I just remembered I only came out of the classroom to get a drink of water.”
    I gave her the ‘are you stupid’ look. We turned around and traveled down the hallway toward the water fountains. Robin let go of my hand and bent over the fountain. She pressed her hand onto the button and sipped the water that came out of the spout. I watched, suddenly wanting to drink too.
    ”Uh, can I go next?”
    Robin stopped drinking for a moment just long enouph to say, “Sure.” then continued drinking. Abruptly she let go of the ‘push’ button and stepped away. “Your turn.”
    She took my place by the wall and I took my turn with the fountain. I pushed the button and bent over the spout to sip. The water was cold and refreshing. I couldn’t help but half-smile at the cool silky liquid that passed by my lips. I finished quickly and we made our way back to our classroom. I opened the door shyly.
    ”Ah, would you be Ada? Welcome back to class Robin.” Mrs. Teller said.
    Robin took her seat. There was an empty desk next to her’s.
    ”Y-yeah. I’m Ada Ross.”
    ”Welcome to History class.” she smiled at me. “Why don’t you sit down right there next to Robin?” she gestured with her hands toward my new friend. I walked, feeling a bit welcomed, over to my desk and sat down, placing my backpack under the chair. I listened to the teacher as she droned on about the history lesson for the next fourty-five minutes until the bell rang.
 
    ”Hey, do you think we’ll get a bus on the way home?”
    ”No, it’s a different bus driver for the afternoon than the morning. We just have to get onto the right bus.”
    ”What if we don’t?”
    ”Oy, you should’ve known from middle school: when you get on the wrong bus you don’t get home. Or at least not when you wanted to.”
    I listened to chatter in the hallways as I walked down the never-ending corridors. Finally I reached the front door of the building. I was free. The day was over. It was time to go home. All I had for homework was to get all of my supplies. Then I could relax.
    I walked as calmly through the front door as possible and out to the pavement. Just like last year, the many buses were lined up outside along the sidewalk. I looked around to see if I could find Ben or Robin or see if Anna had ever gotten to school.
    Anna.
    Anna! I’d forgotten about her! I had to know what happened to her! I had to know! But how would I know how to see her? I frowned and looked at the ground. I stopped moving. I was a stiff obstical in the middle of a crowd. People started yelling at me.
    ”What the hell! Move! Quit being a freshman!”
    ”Ada, move!”
    ”Move, idiot!”
    I suddenly noticed and zoned back in. I quickly picked up the pace and started moving again, toward my bus. I climbed the steps and took a seat near the back of the bus. There were already around seven kids on the bus. I sat alone, embarrassed. I lowered my head so no one could see me. People kept on loading onto the bus. I stared at the seat in front of me. Suddenly someone plopped down next to me. I alertly turned my head to them. Ben.
    ”Hey Ben.
    ”Ada.”
    I turned my head to the seat again.
    ”Ada.”
    ”Yeah?”
    ”About the crash earlier…”
    ”Don’t talk about the crash. I don’t want to know. Even if it’s good news.”
    ”What the hell is wrong with you Ada? I just wanted to say I was sorry. God, Ada.”
    He stood up and moved. I didn’t mean to get him angry. I was just so disconcerted. Anna could’ve been really, really hurt and I did know what’d happened after the ambulance left. I…I wasn’t trying to get him out of my sight or anything. I just needed to not talk. I wan’t feeling well. Well as in happy, of course. I guess I just didn’t want to talk to people. That was all. Simple as that. I just didn’t want to talk.
 
    ”I’m home!” I yelled and slammed the door behind me. “We have to go shopping later. It’s school supply day.”
    ”Yeah, yeah, I know. It was last year too.” my mom answered me.
    ”Cool. When can we go?”
    ”Later. Why don’t you go out for a walk if that’s the only homework you have?”
    ”Alright. I just want to settle down a bit before going out.”
    ”Okay. Don’t get too comfortable. You have to get outside today.”
    ”Yeah.”
    I dropped my backpack next to the stairs and slowly approached the couch. I fell onto the couch to lie down. It’d been a long day. I was so tired I couldn’t do anything. I reached for the remote on the table and flipped channels, looking for something to take my mind off the day. I stopped on the news when I saw them talking about a car and bus crash. I watched.
    ”This morning, at around seven o’ clock a bus crashed into a car, causing damage to most of the high school students on the bus. One victim, Anna Grey, age 15, was knocked out and was found with injuries to her neck and left wrist. Other victims of this fateful accident have told us about what had happened at the scene. Here is one boy, Troy Davidson, age 17, who will explain to us exactly his side of the story.”
    ”So, I was like, I just got onto the bus and we were going down the street pretty fast. I wonder if we might’ve been speeding or something cause we were going really fast and I think the speed limit was like fourty? I don’t remember. And it was a one-lane road so we were in a lot of danger as it looked and then it just came so suddenly that the car just came out of nowhere and hit us and then I slammed into the back of the seat in front of me and I don’t know what happened after that. I found myself in here.”
    ”Thank you, Troy.”
    ”You’re welcome.”
    ”The passengers inside the car which the bus slammed into were also harmed in the accident. The woman in the driver’s seat–”
    I turned off the tv. I couldn’t watch it. I couldn’t bear it. I ran up to my room and hid in my closet. I closed the door and turned the light on, then I opened a box hidden in the back of my closet. It wasn’t a small box. It was rathar large, considering it had many books in it. I picked up the first one I saw and opened the cover and began to read.
 
    ”Ada! You’ve got to get going now! Now, Ada!”
    I heard my mom shouting and quickly shut the book away. I turned off the light and opened the door and ran down the stairs to stop just short of slamming into my mom.
    ”I’m here.” I smiled.
    ”Alright then. Get out.”
    ”Yes, Ma’am!”
    And out the front door I went. My smile wiped itself right off the second I was outside. I wasn’t really happy. How could I be?! I can’t be happy at a time like that. Never. Ever! I walked along the sidewalk for a long time. I didn’t know how for I’d gone. It was all peacful. I didn’t see anyone the whole time I was out, until I saw a mad biker racing down the street at full speed.
    I took a quick look at them as they wizzed by. They were familiar, but I couldn’t get a great look at them, because they went by so quickly. I think it was a girl. I followed her with my eyes as she biked down the road. She had blond hair just down to her shoulders. The biker stopped. I wondered why. She just abruptly stopped biking halfway down a hill! How did she do that, I will never know. She turned around and walked her bike up the hill.
    ”ADA!” she yelled at me. My eyes widened in alarm. This person knew my name. “Yo! It’s Robin! What’s up?!” How did I keep running into her?
    ”Robin? What are you doing in my neigborhood?”
    ”Biking.”
    ”Yeah, I know that.”
    ”Oh, I was gonna take the longest ruit I could to the grocery store and that included your street. I live pretty far from here.”
    ”Why did you take the longest ruit…?”
    ”I was bored and had time to kill. Hey, you wanna kill time with me? I’m always free.”
    ”Ah, um, I guess. Sure.”
    ”Hm, you haven’t a bike with you, and it’d be kinda difficult to put two people on this bike, so I guess we could walk if you want?”
    ”What are you gonna do with the bike?”
    ”I dunno. I’ll meet you back here in like half an hour if I can quickly go home and drop off my bike. I dunno if that’s okay with you.”
    ”How about you leave it at my house and then when we get back you can ride it home?”
    ”I can do that.” Robin smiled at me. It was that same sweet smile she’d given me the first time we met. Then she paused as if she had something else to say, but kept a smile on. “Where’s your house?” Still a smile.
    ”Follow me. You can walk your bike down.”
    ”Okay.” we started walking. “So, what brings you outside on this lovely eavning?”
    ”Oh, my mom just wanted me to go outside so I started walking and forgot to stop. I guess I just was lost in thought.”
    ”I see. Well, I’m glad I found you.”
    ”Why?”
    ”I dunno. I just like being around you. You’re a good person. I also wished I’d known you lived around here.”
    ”Why?”
    ”Cause then I could’ve been more excited about coming! Duh! Same reason.”
    ”Oh, I see.”
    ”You know, you’re pretty untalkative. I wonder why…Is it because of when you got lost?” She pointed a finger at me, fake-accusing me.
    ”No. I…Can we sit on the grass and then I can tell you what happened. I think I trust you.”
    ”Sure thing.”
    We sat down and I spent a while explaining everything that’d happened that day. Once in a while she was reminded of something that’d happened to her and got sidetracked, but I got through it. I felt a little uncomfortable telling her about how Ben had a crush on me. Yes, I told her every detail. Soon after she heard that part, I thought ‘Oh no. Who knows where that could go?!’ and hoped she wasn’t that kind of girl who gave away people’s secrets at rapid-fire. I was afraid, but she seemed like someone I could trust.
    ”Wow, that’s tough. I’m sorry.” she scooted over so she was next to me and put her hand on my shoulder. At first I was startled, but it was comforting. Robin was a really sweet and kind girl. I was very glad for her to be my friend.
    ”Yeah, I guess so. I’m really not happy right now. I would be more talky, but I’m just not having a good day. I’m afraid Anna may never wake up. I’m really afraid. I don’t know what to do. Anna may never come back.”
    ”Don’t think about it. Put your mind on other things. I have an idea.” Robin stood up. “How about tomorrow we go to the park and feed the birds or something! Is that something chicks here like to do?” there she goes again, saying ‘chick’. ”I dunno cause I do. It’s fun. The birds are all so happy and friendly. Birds never seem to fly away from me. It’s like they’re attracted…Or maybe it’s cause I always have bread in my bag.”
    ”I guess. What time?”
    ”I’ll ride here on my bike tomorrow after school at like three, kay?”
    ”I’d be glad to feed the birds with you then. See ya–”
    ”Heyheyheyheyheyheyhey. Wait one moment, missy. I thought we were going to the grocery store. What ever happened to that idea?”
    ”Oh, I forgot. Let’s go.”
 
    The next day when I came home from school I thought over the day for a little while. I couldn’t wait to go to the park. I got on my bike early with a little bag of bread and rode down as fast as I could. When I got there I sat down at a bench and started to toss bread onto the ground, hoping some birds would come. For the whole time not a bird came. Neither did Robin.

Categories: Modern Fiction.

Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

I Can’t Tell — Ch. 2

1

August 29, 2008

by Julie

CH. 2

Anna was in the front of the bus. She could’ve gotten really injured! And Ben fell over in the aisle. My head hurt. My ears were ringing. I couldn’t think. I was in such shock I couldn’t figure out what to do. Should I go help Anna first or go to Ben? I couldn’t get to Anna without passing Ben. I had to save them both. I also had to see what we crashed into. I stood up slowly. Most of the people on the bus were lying or sitting askew in shock. I hoped none dead. The bus driver’s airbag was inflated, not that it would’ve done much in this situation. I got into the aisle and tried to get into the seat next to where Ben had fallen.
“Ben, are you okay?”
“NO! Do I look like I’m okay?! What do YOU see?!” he shouted from the ground. I bit my lip. I didn’t know what to say.
“I…I wasn’t sure. I asked because I wanted to know what you felt. I can’t decide how you are by what you look like, don’t you think?”
“I can’t freaking think anything! Just shut up! Stop talking! You’re making it worse!” other kids had started to help the fallen ones. Everyone was talking and yelling. It didn’t really make a difference how Ben was talking. Everyone was shouting and cursing at each other, but I couldn’t see Anna.
“I-I’m sorry. If you don’t want me to help you, I’ll go see if Anna’s okay.”
“Whatever! Just get away! I can help myself.”
“You don’t look like it.”
“Shut up and go help your friend!”
I didn’t reply. I just made my way past him, up the aisle and to where Anna had sat down in the front. She wasn’t in her seat. She was lying down half in the aisle, half inbetween the seat she was in and the one in front of her. I spoke her name.

“Anna.”
She didn’t respond to me.
“Anna.” This time louder. And again, louder. “Anna! Anna! Anna!” No response. I looked out the windshield. There was a big blue mini van that had crashed into us. It looked almost as if it had merged with the bus on impact. I redirected my mind to Anna. She looked like she was dead. I crouched down next to her and checked her pulse. She was alive. I wondered if it would be okay to pick her up. I rolled her onto her back.
Anna had a bloody nose. Her face was pale. Her whole body was a bit paler than usual. But she was not dead. She had a scratch on her forehead. I felt the presence of someone behind me. I turned around. Ben.
“Yo, Anna. Wake up.” he kicked her lightly.
“She’s unconscious.” I told him.
“I never would’ve wished that onto her. I’m sorry Ada.”
“Don’t be. It’s not like you created the crash.”
“Call the ambulance.”
I checked my pocket for my cell phone.
“I left my cell at home.”
“Use mine.” Ben handed his phone to me.
“You use your own. I’ll look after Anna.” Ben nodded.
I tediously picked Anna up from the floor and rested her onto the seat. Blood kept dripping from her nose. I looked through her back pack for a pack of tissues or something. I found one. I wasn’t sure what to do with it, so I closed my eyes and looked into the past at what people had told me to do when I had a bloody nose in third grade. I opened my eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose, placing the tissue in front of her nose so any blood dripped onto the tissue. Ben appeared behind be again a few minutes later.
“An ambulance is coming. I don’t know how long it’ll be though.”
“Okay. I want to know if you’re alright?”
“I’m fine. I survived. Looks like you did too, but I’m not too sure about Anna.”
“She’s alive. You knew that. Come on. Try to find some way to help people.”
“Sure.” Ben went on to help other people. I didn’t know how long it had been before I actually heard sirens ringing. I heard the doors of the bus being forced open.
Three men came in, wearing medical clothes, and investigated the bus. One man went straight the bus driver. One went to the back area of the bus. One came to us.
“Excuse me miss, what happened here?”
“W-We were driving down this street, it’s one lane, and we were going kind of fast-ish and this red car came out of no where and crashed into us. I didn’t get hurt, but most of the other kids on the bus did. We found Anna on the groud and Ben was in the aisle and Alex was pushed against the back of the seat in front of him and Tori was bent over the seat in front of her. I think she was unconcious too. A few other kids were really hurt too. People that didn’t get really hurt are helping other kids, but we called 911–”
“That’s really all that we need to know, miss. What’s your name?”
“Ada Ross.”
“Ok, miss Ross, we’ll be taking this lady to the hospital, along with a magority of the people on this bus.” The man gestured me aside and lifted Anna up and brought her out of the bus and over to the ambulance. This went on for a long time, where he and the two other men take children take people, unconscious or injured, into the ambulance.

Ben walked up to me from be hind and put his hand on my shoulder. I looked at him. He was a little bit taller than me, by two inches. He looked at me. We watched the ambulances drive away with their sirens wailing still. It pained me to watch Anna be taken away so abruptly. I really hoped she would live. I don’t know what I’d do if she didn’t. I shivered at the thought. Ben noticed. He moved his hands so they were on both my shoulders. I felt better. But only by a bit. I was afraid for Anna.
It’d been a few minutes since we were kicked off the bus and the bus and the car were towed away. Only about six people including Ben and I were left standing on the side of the street. We were all completely silent.
“Hey, how’re we gonna get to school now?” Ben piped up.
Kids started to agree with him, nodding their heads and putting in their opinions.
“Well, this means that we won’t have to go to school.” one of the new kids put in.
“We don’t want to miss school on the first day for this. Come on. Think, what’re we going to do?” another freshman stated.
“We could get our parents to drive us maybe?” a girl answered.
“We’re a long way from our bus stops.”
“Uh, I’m not sure what to do.”
“Well, my house is just up the street.”
“Yeah, well it’s not like we can all fit into one car!”
“There’s not too many of us. We can fit six in a car.”
“No!”
“I can drive.”
“Oh. I see. Yeah. That sure makes me trust you. How long have you had the license?”
“Few months…”
“Yeah, I still don’t trust you.”
“Hey! I can drive us!”
“Whatever, that doesn’t mean we want you to drive us.”
“Fine!”
I turned around to watch them bicker over his license. Ben turned his head. Then he left me. He started walking back up the road with his hands tucked into his pockets. Someone called after him in confusion.
“Where are you going?”
“Home. We can go in two cars that way. My parents can most likely drive better than you, and don’t think about starting up a fight about that.”
We watched in utter loss for action. Then we hurried over to follow him.

We arrived at Ben’s house, all six of us, almost a half hour’s walk later. His parents at first didn’t want to help so many kids on such short notice, but because his father didn’t have to go to work today, so both Ben’s parents were able to drive us. We arrived at school a while late.
“What?! My house was changed! I’m not in Tarress House anymore!”
“What’s it matter? You never really do much in your house anyway.”
“All of my classes are in my new house!”
“No, your English class is in Froliki House.”
“That doesn’t help!! I have to learn my way around all over again!”
“Aw, come on Ada, it’s not that bad. Look, we have Science together. That’s cool, right?”
“Yeah…”

Well, I was actually able to make it through the morning. Lunch was fine. I sat with Ben and a few other kids. But the whole time I was thinking about Anna.
“I’m finished. I think I’ll go hang out.” I stood up and left without waiting for an answer, threw out my trash, and walked out of the student center to the hallway, where I stood against the wall. I was so disconcerted about Anna I couldn’t do anything well. I heard footsteps and looked up. A girl with blond wavy hair bouncing delicately abover her shoulders was walking down the hallway in my direction. She was a little taller than me, I guessed. She wore loose jeans and a light blue t-shirt. She got closer and closer. I looked down again, pretending not to notice her. Trying to look as unniticable as possible. The footsteps stopped about a foot or two from me. Their face gets closer and closer, as if she’s examining me. I shoot her a look that says ‘what the heck are you doing?’ and say, “Yeah?”
She moves back to stand up straight.
“I’m Robin.” Her voice is sweet and soft. It sounds kind of in the middle range, sort of where a boy’s voice would be, but it’s also soft and sweet, making it surely a girl’s. She smiles.
“Yeah…cool. I’m…Ada.”
“I’m new to the school. I’m a sophomore. I came from New Hampshire. Well, that’s where I lived for like a year. Before that I was brought up in New York. And now I live here!” why was she spilling out this imformation to a complete stranger? I gave her another weird look. She frowned. “I’m sorry. You think I’m weird for spilling to a stranger. You see, I don’t know many people and you seemed like a nice-looking chick.”
I felt guilty. Wait–Why did a girl say chick?! “Ch-ch-chick…?”
“Yeah, that’s what we called girls in New York. Is it really that forbidden here or something? Sorry, that’s just the way we talk in New York and I never really gave up on that last year when I was in New Hampshire. I’m really sorry if you’re not comfortable with that.” she was nice.
“No, it’s ok. I don’t care. I was just kind of…I’m sort of not used to that kind of talking. I’ll get used to it eventually. You don’t need to change your style for me…”
The bell rang really loudly. I looked up. Of course. I had to be right underneath the bell. I shut my eyes and covered my ears. When I looked up again Robin had disappeared.

Categories: Modern Fiction.

Tags: ,

I Can’t Tell — Ch. 1

2

August 27, 2008
by Julie
CH. 1

Today I will enter my sophomore year of high school. I dream soundly about running from I don’t know what. I turn over in my bed so I lay stomach down, with my face in the pillow. I can’t breath very much now. I slow down the running, suddenly aware of my breathing. I kneel onto the ground, not panting at all, because I can’t breath. I flip over onto my back in my sleep. I can breath again. I can hear a voice in my dream. It’s soft. It sounds like a girl, but I don’t know her. I’m panting really loudly. I can barely hear the voice. She’s saying something, but I can’t quite define what it could be. The words are mumbled and slurred a bit. I can’t understand anything. My mind starts to hurt from the confusion. I can’t make it stop. It hurts like someone just dug a knife into the back of my head. The sharp pang…it’s like death. I don’t want to die. I think this is what I was running from. Suddenly the ground below me gives way to water. Black waters stretch as far as the eye can see. I fall into its waters, feeling blood gushing into the water. I see all the black turn to a sickening reddish-brown. I close my eyes. The water stings my skin. I feel like I’m on fire. I scream, and water falls into my mouth. I try to spit it out. I turn onto my stomach again as I sleep. I can’t breath. I fall deeper into the water. I turn onto my back. I abruptly fall onto a desert plain. The sky is the same color as the water was before my blood poured into it. I reach to feel the back of my head. There’s no more blood. There is no gash. There is no hole or my brain or anything, but I can still feel the torturous pain. A figure starts to float down from the sky. It looks dead, but alive, like a zombie or a ghost or something. It has no eyes, but it has sockets, and it can still see me. It’s a few yards away. It’s rushing at me. It rushes so fast that it flies into me and I can feel a shearing pain all over my body. I can’t feel anything. The voice is getting louder and louder and I hear sirens ringing, also getting closer. I can’t move or anything. I’m frozen in place. It hurts. Everything hurts so much.
I force my eyes open. The windows are open and wind is blowing into them. Sirens are wailing somewhere in the distance. There’s no other noise besides my own breathing. I raise my hand to the back of my head, shaking, to see if the dream was true. There’s nothing there, to my surprise. My head doesn’t hurt as much anymore, too. I jump out of bed and run to my closet, not daring to glance at the clock, and take a look at the available clothes. There’s nothing left in my closet! I shriek. I bet the neighbors can hear me.
“Ada! What’s going on up there?” my mom calls up the stairs. I run to the staircase.
“Mom! There’s nothing left in my closet!”
“Don’t you still have that basket I put in your room yesterday?”
“I should. Let me go check.”
Running into my room, I trip and fall onto my bed. The basket is on the other side of the bed.
“Yes! It’s there!” I yell back.
“Then you should have no problem!”
I quickly search through the basket. Yellow and black go well together, right? Black pants are good for the heart. Yellow tank tops are good too. Okay. I gently pull off my nightshirt and replace it with my yellow tank top, and switch my blue shorts with black pants.
As fast as I can, I run down the steps and into the kitchen and sit down at the table. My mom is standing by the counter drinking tea.
“Why so jumpy today?”
“Did I oversleep?”
“No. What would make you think that?”
I slump down and my head falls down onto the table making a loud bang, jostling everything on the table.
“Ow.” I mumble.
“Now what good is it going to do to knock yourself into a concussion?”
“Nothing. I didn’t hit my head that hard.”
“Regardless.”
“Let it go.”
“Fine. Make yourself a breakfast before you have to run for the bus.”
“Yup.”
I stand up and walk over to the other side of the kitchen and fix myself a bagel, pop it into the toaster, and wait for it to come back up while pouring a glass of water.
“Is that all you’re going to have?”
“Yes. It’s not vacation anymore. I don’t have time for a full breakfast.” I take a sip.
“Oh yes. I forgot.”
The toaster pops. My bagel comes up with it. I put down the water glass. I run for the counter and grab the bagel, then turn around and zoom for the door. I run outside. I’m making my way up the driveway when i hear a voice calling me.
“Ada! ADA! ADA! BACKPACK!”
I stop running, turn around and walk back. My mom is standing at the door, holding out my backpack. I guiltily and embarrassedly take the backpack off her hands and strap it onto my shoulders. I fake laugh at my own mistake.
“Thanks, Mom. Heh…”
“Alright, go to school.”
I set off for the bus stop again. I must look kind of silly, smiling so much while I walk.
As I approach the stop sign at the end of my street, I can see a little clump of people forming at the intersection. I can see Anna and Ben and a few new kids too. I don’t really recognize them. This will take some investigation. I step up to Anna.
“Anna, long time no see.”
“You too. What’s up?”
“Oh, not much.” I lower my voice. “Who’re the new kids?”
“Oh, that’s Sam and Ari.” Two boys.
“Ah, I see.” I come up to normal volume. “Excited for the first day of school?”
“A bit. I guess I’m kind of glad to see all my friends, see the new boys, you know?”
“Yeah. And besides the freshmen, we have some new students to our grade too, don’t we?”
“Oh, yeah! I heard we were only getting like three though.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. I hope at least one’s a boy. Really, some of the boys in our grade…” Ben looks over at us. “I said some!”
“Does that mean me?” Ben asks.
“How do you know I wasn’t going to say smart?!” Anna is infuriated. She balls her hands into fists and turns toward Ben.
“Cause you weren’t!” Ben does the same.
“Hey! You can’t read my mind!”
“How do you know!”
“Cause I’m thinking things you’d really rather not know, and you don’t seem to have any affect from it! I know you’d look more scared if you knew what I’m thinking!”
“Then shut up and say what you were gonna say–!”
“Quit contradicting yourself! Wadaya want me to do?! Shut up or tell you the freaking answer–”
“Both–”
“Choose one, you freaking–!”
“The freaking answer!”
Anna contained herself a bit and lowered her voice, then continually got louder. “I said most of the guys in our grade are dumb and unattractive! You want more?! I’ll give you more if that’s what you want!”
“I’ll take that as I’m stupid!”
“What was your first clue?!”
“Shaddup and shove off!”
“Not today! Not tomorrow! I’m sorry! Not my fault! I live here! I you wanna not see me anymore, get over your crush on Ada, cause I’m gonna be with her all the time, cause we’re friends!” I did not know about this until now.
“I–” Ben hesitated, embarrassed. He looked at me, then back at Anna. He shut his mouth. Then he mumbles a curse at her under his breath.
“What’d you say about me?” Anna leaned closer to him, trying to seem as intimidating as possible.
“Nothing.”
“I thought so.” Anna turns to me. She looks enraged. “I’m sorry about that. Do you mind if I sit alone on the bus today?”
I’m still kind of shocked. “Uh, yeah, that’s okay. Sure.”
The bus arrives that very moment. The freshmen board first, then Alex, the one senior on our street, then Anna, then me, then Ben, right behind me. Anna takes a seat right in the front. I seat myself near the back. The seat has graffiti all over it. I sat down. Ben stood next to the seat and looked at me for a moment, then opened his mouth.
“D…do you mind if I…sit with you?”
“No, sit down.” it seems like he’s calmed down at least a bit now.
We don’t talk. The bus advances down the street. It’s a one-lane road with speed-limit of thirty-five. I actually do want him to talk to me. I want to know more about this crush of his. I hadn’t expected anything or even thought that it could ever happen. I really hadn’t the idea crawl into my head that Ben liked me. I really am not sure what to do.
“I’m sorry.” Ben stared at the graffiti on the seat as he spoke to me. “I’m really sorry that I spoke to Anna like that. I’m also sorry that I acted like that at all, regardless of who she is. I’m really sorry to had to have done that in front of you. I seriously didn’t mean to. And I…I really do…” he stopped talking.
“Like me?” I try to finish his sentence. He didn’t respond. He looked away, across the aisle at the window on the other side to avoid letting me see his face. I knew it was true. It must be true. I don’t know what to say. There’s no real way that I can respond to that. I don’t know if I like him back or not. He was only my friend before this and really nothing much at that. “Ben…?”

“Yes. It’s true. And I know you don’t like me. I’m just…gonna lea–” the bus lurched to a stop just as he tried to stand up. I heard a crash. He fell sideways into the aisle and his backpack fell on top of him. I fall into the seat in front of me. I heard several screams. Our bus had crashed.
Anna!

Categories: Modern Fiction.

Tags: ,

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