Sorry I’ve been spewing out so much sappy breakup poetry. I’m going through an emotional time (like, a REALLY emotional time) and it’s one of my best ways to express myself. Thanks for understanding.
Hearts!
Jules

Standing in line at the fair
With my best friend
I guess you’d already noticed me there
You pretended I wasn’t there
You walked on by
But we saw you
My friend screamed your name
You looked
I tried to smile
“Come on, won’t you say hi?
Be social!”
You come over slowly and reluctantly
Say hi to my best friend
And leave without saying hi to me
But we made eye contact
And you broke it
And I looked away as well
You walked on by
“You didn’t say hi to Julie!”
She screamed after you
You didn’t turn around
You were ‘too far away’
To hear
My friend
Who has the loudest voice I know
Oh, the irony

Ten minutes later we see you again
My best friend calls your name
You turned around
Pretended not to notice me
She said hello, you turned away after saying hi
She dragged me back and screamed your name
“You forgot to say hello to Julie!”
There was no way out of acknowledging me then
“Oh, hi.”
As if you hadn’t seen me
Am I not the one who used to
And maybe still does
Make your heart jump out of your chest
Every time you see me?
I said hi back
You turned away
I didn’t see you again.

When you loved me
We talked about pianos
We talked about the songs we played
And what they meant to us
I turned on one of yours today
Then remembered you play it
Remembered that it was a song about love
A song about how there’s nothing better
Than being in love with someone you care about
And I almost cried at this
Because nothing is more beautiful than that.

The words turned my heart to ice
My rib cage was frozen
Such a moving, gorgeous tune
Spread liquid nitrogen through my veins
I remembered
I’ll never say these things to you again
I remembered
You’ll never tell me again what you think the wish is
I remembered
That I can’t get over you.

It’s okay, Julsie,
There’ll be other boys
Other songs, other pianos,
Other wonderful people
No. He was the only one.
It’s okay, Jules, I mean it
There’ll be others who
Love you and want to be with you,
Play music with you,
Cherish every moment.

Sure there will be
Others like you
But none will be the same.

I also don’t remember writing this one. At all. So it was probably a while ago. Here we go!

–

It did not go as you’d imagined
Well, things never do
You choked up and felt you
Couldn’t
This always happens to you
You looked downa t your feet
Knew this wouldn’t end right
You thought you could do it
When you were half-asleep last night
I should’ve known
I shouldn’t known
Goes through your head so much
Thought it wouldn’t be so hard
To just so much as touch
So, you wait till no one’s still awake
And cry in bed at ten
But don’t you worry girl, because
You can always try again.

I wrote this a WHILE ago, and I found it in my notebook for History class, and I was like, “WHOA! What’s this doing here???” and I can’t remember when or why I wrote it because there is no reason I would’ve, clearly. Can anyone tell me why I might’ve written this?

—

Must not say it
Must delay it
Can’t display it
For them all
Tape my mouth shut
Close the windows
Turn the lights out
Trip and fall
It’s dark enough now
Now I can’t see
See why I should
Should be dishonest here
Here’s the thing: I’m bursting.

But hush!
It’s confidential
You’re in no rush
Hush!
Don’t get temperamental
What’s the rush?

You ask how I am
I say, “Not so well.”
You ask me to tell
I don’t want to tell
The last time I told
You got so annoyed
I’m not over that boy
You don’t know what love is, boy
You told me to tell
What else could I do
But tell it to you
I don’t want to tell you
Today is the day
That makes me cry
It’s the would-be-anniversary
That is why
“Aren’t you over him?”
No, not slightly
I cry nightly
Wish for him nightly
“It doesn’t work that way.”
I try to tell you
But what can I do
When all you do
Is strike me with your
Bitter phrases
Expecting praises
You get no praises
That’s why I didn’t
Want to tell
For speaking brings hell
Your response is hell.

You are welcome any night
To sing me right to sleep
And wake me up to the same sound
For years, for months, each week
The sound of your voice
The way you smile
Your laugh, your touch
Please, stay for a while
I’ll listen to you every time
Hang onto your every word
I could respond or stay quite silent
Whichever your prefer
Your voice is the most precious sound
I’d listen forever if you’d let me hear
But I know I won’t
Especially if you’re not near.

Do you only exist to tick me?
Do you only exist to pluck my nerves?
Just stop talking, stop pretending,
I don’t want to hear a word

You say that you know something
I’m very sure you do
You say you cannot tell me
“I shouldn’t tell you.”

Every subject touched
With your dirty, mangling hands
Makes the raging fire grow higher
Don’t you understand?

You ask if I can take a joke
When I defend my friend
It’s not a joke to call her a whore
I hate the words you spend

Just stop talking to me
Get out of my way
I don’t have time
For your words today

Shut up, shut up, shut up
I can’t begin to explain
How much your existence
Puts me in pain.

You told me slowly
With stumbles and pauses
That it was time to stop

You spoke to me
With pain in your eyes
That transfered immediately to mine

Should I give up?
Should I wait for you?
Do you still love me?
Because I do.

I cried today
I broke down and I cried
My eyes got red
My face got hot
And tears just rolled on down

This was after I went home
After I retired
But outside, before this,
When I walked past you
Did you see I was already hurt?
Did you see the pain in my eyes?
You walked right on by
No questions why

I cried today
And I bet you didn’t notice

What does that say about you?
Do you care?
Did you notice the way I stared
Into your eyes from mine
With that look of pain, of suffering, sickening somber?

My words feel futile
My thoughts are hostile
My visions seem savage
I feel so bad
Will you notice tomorrow
When I look at you again?
Will you see my vulnerability?
Will you see my wounds?
Will you carefully wrap them?
Will you kiss the skin better?
Will you ask me what’s wrong?
Will you ask me what happened?
Will you ask me who did it?
Will you ask if I’m okay?

I cannot move
I cannot sing
My words useless
My thoughts merciless
My visions blood-driven
I feel so bad
Please, just stop walking right by
I feel like crap
Just hold me.