hmmm . . . well, jules and em, this is what came from your suggestions 
it’ and the first chapter i’m about to put up are quite obviously first drafts x) and btw, just so ya’ll know, i did look these character names up on a victorian baby name site – so they ARE in fact victorian. lemme know what you think . . . 
btw, categorized this as historical fiction coz it’s in the victorian day in age. lol. there’s not really any other category that matches well, ta! over and out, Myth
I took a deep breath . . . or at least tried.
It was rather hard whilst wearing this ridiculous corset Mother was forcing me to wear to the ball.
Actually, I’d rather wear ten corsets at one time than go to a ball.
Balls. Parties. Where young men my age thought I looked like I desperately needed someone to dance with (when what I desperately needed was to run far, far away). Where I was paid about fifty compliments every hour. Where I was told I looked like I was so bored; why didn’t I come on a stroll with some of the young ladies?
The whole thing made me want to scream.
“Anna Katherine Willlowford! You get yourself down here this instant!” my older sister shouted. “I don’t want to be late for the ball – Ralphy’s expecting me!”
I felt sick. “Ralphy” was my older sister’s – Lillian’s – beau, and watching the two of them act like lovesick puppies was just one more reason I didn’t want to go to the ball tonight. If someone had given me the option of eating a cow’s brain instead I would have taken it gladly.
“ANNA!” My sister’s voice was even shriller than before.
“Coming!” I called down, being as slow as I possibly could; doing every little job I could think of to prolong having to leave. But at last there was no reason left for me to remain upstairs, so I reluctantly left my room and descended the stairs.
“Mother, do I really have to go?” I asked her just before we went out the door. I knew what her answer would be, but sometimes she gave unexpected answers . . .
“You absolutely do!” she said. Then she stopped, turned to me and straightened my dress. “Such a beautiful young lady you are, Anna,” she said absentmindedly, in her own little world. “My baby is no longer a baby.”
“Mother,” I said. I didn’t need her to get all weepy right now.
“Well, it’s true! When did you grow up so fast?” she said.
“I wish I knew,” I replied. If it were up to me I’d stay ten years old forever.
She suddenly seem to realize that if we stood here talking any longer we’d be late. “We need to go, darling!” she said, all but pulling me out the door.
Thus my fate had been decided . . . thus things had been set in motion.
For little did I know it but this was the night that my life was going to change irreversibly . . .
And not in a good way.
Woot woot! First comment! And finally something that’s not a poem! Not that there’s something wrong with poems, but I think you know what I mean…
Rewrites in ( ), critter/explanations in bold!
It was rather hard whilst wearing this ridiculous corset Mother was forcing me to wear to the ball. (It was rather hard whilst wearing this ridiculous corset Mother was forcing me to wear to the ball. – italicing there takes away from story. Don’t italic that part…)
Where I was told I looked like I was so bored; why didn’t I come on a stroll with some of the young ladies? (Where I was told I looked like I was so bored and why didn’t I come on a stroll with some of the young ladies? – or maybe young men? I think it was more common then… especially her age… which is how old?)
“Coming!” I called down, being as slow as I possibly could; doing every little job I could think of to prolong having to leave. But at last there was no reason left for me to remain upstairs, so I reluctantly left my room and descended the stairs. (“Coming!” I called down, being as slow as I possibly could. I did every little job I could think of to prolong having to leave. But, at last, there was no reason left for me to remain upstairs, so I reluctantly left my room and descended the stairs.)
“You absolutely do!” she said. Then she stopped, turned to me and straightened my dress. (“You absolutely do!” she said. Then she stopped, turned to me and straightened my dress. – same as first. Italics there take away from the story. Don’t italic like that…)
“Well, it’s true! Why do you have to grow up so fast?” she said. (“Well, it’s true! When did you grow up so fast?” she asked. – I think it sounds better that way, but it’s up to you…)
Oooooooooooooohhhh!!!! I LOVE LOVE LOVE IT!!!! Makes me so curious! You sucked me right in! Good job! Plus, this character immediately makes you feel like you know her well. You feel close to her, seeing things from her perspective: sarcasm or not.
Ok, my next Q isssssss….. will there be magic? Or are we all to used to posting stories on here that involve magic? But, then, you could be the first NOT to involve magic… after all, you posted it under historical fiction, which you can change, but still…
LOVE IT! MORE MORE MORE!
ciao,
Emia
aaaaaah dankie feer da crits.
ha ha lol.
TY!!!!!!!!!!!!! glad you like it – glad it sucked you in already x)
i’m not sure about the magic yet. maybe, but maybe i shouldn’t – weren’t you and jules saying i should try one w/out?
but idk . . . magic is so fun . . . adds a ton more to the story . . .
i’m not sure yet. what do U think?
over and out,
Myth
there – all fixed
be the first to try with no magic! i think it would be cool. i’d never be able to, but you certainly could pull it off…
yw! i love crits and giving them!
ciao,
Emia
(will read next chap soon!)
hm . . . i may try . . .
glad you love giving them, coz you will be no doubt be giving quite a few as you read this story!
over and out,
Myth
WHAT HAPPENED TO CHAPTER TWO?!?!?!?! I READ IT!!! THEN IT DISAPPEARED!!!!!!! AAAAAAAH!!!!!!
i must have accidentally clicked ‘publish’ the other night instead of save – IT WAS NEVER DONE, AND IMAGINE MY SHOCK WHEN I GO TO WE AND SEE ‘Chapter Two’!!!!!!!
sorry, little man. it should be done soon. i hope.
Did you at least read my critters?!?!?!
don’t make him any creepier, and i think you wanted me to change ‘us’ to ‘we’ which i did . . . and there wasn’t that much in your comment!!!
good. just making sure alllllll that haaaaaard work i spent on the comment wasn’t wasted.